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Can I Be Invisible Again?

December 13, 2019

For years I hid in the shadows of others, content in doing only what was asked of me. Then I was told to step out of my comforter zone and become the person I could be. To create a true social life, that was not dependent on others.

I stepped out and suddenly, I was over loaded with social activates and volunteer work.  I was approached by many to help them in different situations.  As life becomes more complex with deadlines and obligations, my heart races with anxiety and panic attacks.


Can I not be invisible again?

The more I step out the more my anxiety builds to the point of tears.  After every meeting, after every encounter my mind races with what I may have said wrong, how I may have hurt another person.   Each minute runs through my head as I dissect every second of every encounter.

While on the outside to others I may seem confident on the inside I am breaking into pieces.   I do not want to intentionally or unintentionally cause problems or hurt people but somehow I always believe I have.


Can I not be invisible again?

In my quiet place, with my head hung down in my hands, I weep for I do not know what to say or do if I have.  I know that many people are good yet in my walk in life I always seem to come across those that like to place the blame on me. Maybe I am doing something wrong; maybe I am a bad person. I do not know.  What I do know is that these feelings of doom, and gloom as well as regret and guilt over whelm me after each encounter I have.


Oh how I wish I could be invisible again.

I know that if I do then I give into the darkness that is trying to keep me from being who I am meant to be.   So I will continue to pray for the strength to overcome and the God’s peace beyond understanding.  I will not let anxiety, and depression over take me. I will rise up and overcome it. For I am strong in the Lord, and I believe He is holding me up each minute of the day especially when I am at  my weakest. For through Him I am strong.


I will not be invisible; I will be a beacon of light for His Glory.

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